Procrastination as an art form

So – after a period of unproductive procrastination which has compromised of many hours on social media, many hours contemplative navel gazing and an inordinate amount of just plain faffing about I decided to write again.
Let’s face it, for an author procrastination is not so much a hinderance – it’s more of an art form really isn’t it?
Now I should perhaps say that I am waiting for the third ‘Misty’ book to be published, so there could have been a pinch of resting on my laurels thrown into that little mix just for good measure.
So, with my typing finger in hand – in truth it was always there, I was just using it to pick my nose – I set about editing my sci-fi/ fantasy novel.
I never liked the ending, I must confess, so after ten long years of deliberation I decided to change it.
Well you can’t rush these things, can you?
The trouble though with doing that is that there are parts of this weighty tome which allude to what the ending might be much earlier in the manuscript.
So those have to change too.
This is where the ‘writing’ as opposed to ‘editing’ comes about.
Well I’d forgotten what a pain in the arse it was, especially with the one finger keyboard poking affliction with which I am saddled.

Oh how I wish that I could type as effortlessly as Jerry Lewis in that scene from ‘Who’s Minding The Store?’ Remember that? No? Look it up on YouTube. (It’s not procrastination, it’s research).

Incidentally I notice that the poor old bugger recently popped his clogs – no doubt we’ll be mourning his passing for many a long year. Confused? Then you haven’t read my blog, ‘Doctor Who and the Lazarus Effect,’ have you. Do keep up!
Anyway, I printed out a rainforest of paper (this is going to be an eBook after all, so it doesn’t really count, does it?) and slashed at it with a red pen. Then, satisfied that the affected parts had been cut away, except for that bit – I really liked the way I’d phrased that, oh, oh, and that bit – that was really funny.
Pardon?
Yes you’re right.
They have to go too.
Root and branch.
Into the bin.
It’s not too late though, I can still fish them out…
Oh, all right.
Jeez, you’re ruthless you lot aren’t you.
See, now look what’s happened. That bit is now where that other part should be, the one in chapter two; or was it forty seven? Hmmm!

Don’t worry, I can get around it.
Trust me, I’m an author.

We’ll make him a her and have her do this instead of that.
Better?
That doesn’t sound quite right, does it?
Nor that.
And does this tie in with that scene I wrote in chapter three?
I didn’t think so.
Am I showing or telling?
If only I’d written it from a different perspective.
Set it in a different time.
And place.
Perhaps with other characters?

Yes, that’s it!
Of course the plot line will have to change.
And the outcome.
Thinking about it, you’re right.
It is a little bit darker than before.
And you think that it’s what?
A different genre!?
Do you really think..?
You know I think you may be right.
Now I need a new title!
And a different sodding cover.
I’d virtually sorted the synopsis and the blurb for the back.
Now I’ll have to…
Do you think that dedication is still appropriate?
No, nor me.
You know what – now I’ve got two bloody books to edit!
FFS!

Pass me that box set of Game Of Thrones.
I need to chill out.
Watch it for the third time from – well, from the beginning I suppose.
All seven series.
See you later.
Much, much later!