From Billy Joel to Billy Whizz…

 

 

I promised you some re-hashed blogs earlier. Here’s todays contribution, first published on 3rd of December 2015. Hope you enjoy, there’ll be another one along tomorrow.

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Did I ever mention that Kate had a horse?
No?
Well sorry for the omission, but let’s set the record straight here and now because there happens to be a bit of news of an equine nature.
Kate had a horse. Notice the ‘had’ – past tense.
Kate has actually had a few horses. She takes in youngsters who have had a rough start in life and brings them on.
Fair play to her for that.
Very admirable.
There’s been Roxy, Paddy, Bella and Ted. All now happily re-homed.
The latest grateful benificiary of Kate’s ministrations was Buddy. That’s him in the picture above.
Yes, the one on the left.
You what? No need, really!
Buddy horse has now gone the way of his predecessors and will be living with a nice young lady in Chesterfield. There she is putting Buddy into the transporter for his journey. All’s well that ends well.

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Except…
You knew this was coming didn’t you?
I certainly did!
There is now a void in Kate’s life that nothing can fill unless it is vaguely horse shaped.
We discussed it.
‘Winter’s coming,’ I said. ‘Leave it a bit – get Christmas out of the way. And don’t forget that we’re going to have a really busy year next year.’
Well we are, one way and another.
Her daughter and her family are coming over from the U, S of A in March.
At the end of that same month her son gets married.
In April I’ve got a book coming out (did I mention that?) DOGNAPPED! order it on Amazon now¬†https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dognapped-David-J-Robertson/dp/1785891448? Sorry, commercial break over.
Later in the year we have the small matter of our own wedding to arrange and conduct.
I think that you might agree that we’re going to have our work cut out.
Kate certainly agreed.
‘Yes, you’re right.’ she said.
Honestly.
She said that.

27 hours and 15 sodding minutes.

That’s exactly how long we were horseless.

Really!

I was so staggered by the whole saga that I’ve written a song about it! Remember ‘Piano Man,’ by Billy Joel – get that tune humming around your head. Got it?
With all it’s da de da’s?

Ha! See all the kids running to You Tube – WTF? We dough no ’bout ‘im! Zee a rappa ore wah?

Never mind, read on:-

GET ME A HORSE – WHAT’S THE MATTER MAN!?

It’s nine o’clock on a Sunday
And Buddy is going away
Kate turns to I
With a tear in her eye
I know what she’s going to say.

She says, Dave I think this is killing me
As the smile ran away from her face
I don’t care for the cost
‘Cos I really feel lost
Without a small horse in this place

Lie de die did e die
Lie lie did e die
Clippy clop

‘Get me a horse, what’s the matter man!?
Get me a horse today
I don’t care if it’s wrong
If it’s tall, short or long
If it’s equine it’s going to stay!’

Now here we are twenty hours later
Both sipping a drink in the pub
She’s well deep in thought
‘Cos her face has gone taut
And I think that she’s going to blub

And then she bangs on the table
So hard that I spit out my beer
She’s googled a nag
From the phone in her bag
And shouts ‘Come on, let’s get out of here!’

Lie de die did e die
Lie lie did e die
Clippy clop

We’ve hotfooted down to the stable
In less time than it takes to blink
She’s drawn out some loot
And the pony looks cute
Is she having it? – what do you think!

So the deal is all done and dusted
I really had nothing to say
She says, ‘How much was it?’
As she pays the deposit
‘Oh, and throw in a bundle of hay.’

‘Get me a horse, what’s the matter man!?
Get me a horse today
I don’t care if it’s wrong
If it’s tall, short or long
If it’s equine it’s going to stay!’

‘Are you crazy!?’ I hear you all asking
‘Are you really that easily swayed?’
But I’d took the wrong stance
Now I know there’s no chance
Of hoping that I might get laid.

Because the damn horse it needs feeding
And grooming, it’s starting to vex
I’ve been sold a pup
‘Cos there’s poo to pick up
And there’s never no time now for sex!

Lie de die did e die
Lie lie did e die
Clippy clop

‘Get me a horse, what’s the matter man!?
Get me a horse today
I don’t care if it’s wrong
If it’s tall, short or long
If it’s equine it’s going to stay!’

So here he is folks.
He’s about a year old and so unbearably cute!
May I introduce you ladies and gentlemen to – Billy Whizz!

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Cat flap next?
Yeah, that’s what I thought – I’ve seen that advert too!