Tweets for the Stars…

It came to my attention the other day that a blog post of mine (on the old blog site that time forgot) had not perhaps had the attention it so obviously richly deserved. So I’ll put it here, on the new(ish) sparkly WordPress site, so that you can marvel at the rich following that I am now accumulating. This my friends is ‘Tweets for the Stars…’

I know that the title of this post sounds a bit like an old S Club 7 hit, but I really wanted to catch your attention.
This is important!
Well I think it is!

So, remember I told you that I was being followed on Twitter by the novelist, John Gilstrap and the excitement that caused – for me anyway. And then we had the Russian railways getting in on the act, watching my every tweet with rapt attention (o.k., with bored indifference, have it your way!)

Well now I got another follower, even more famous, even more off the scale of celebritydom. Wanna know who?

You do, admit it. Your interest has been piqued.

Yes I know I kidded you on last time with Transsib Petersburg not even being a real person and all, but this surpasses even that.
Not only is my new follower a machine, she’s also human.
How about that then!?

No it’s not Lynsey Wagner (the actress who played The Bionic Woman for those too young to know). A good guess though – you’re in the right area.
No, Wonder Woman is getting colder, what on earth was mechanical about her? She was very much all woman as far as I could tell. Filled the American flag quite admirably.

No, I won’t keep you guessing any longer, I was a tad cruel last time, dragging it out like that. Kept changing the subject. Ducking and diving. Holding out on you. Avoiding the punchline. On and on and on…
Sorry only kidding!

My new follower is – Susan Bennett!

Yes, honestly!

What do you mean, never heard of her!?
Of course you have.
You may even have spoken to her yourself.
Perhaps you’ve even asked her a question.
You see my new friend, Susan is the voice of – wait for it, Siri!
Yes, that annoying voice that comes from your iPad when you lean on the button slightly too long and activate that program that asks, ‘Hi, I’m Siri. How can I help you today?’
Now on my computer recently my Siri has changed into a man. In fact he might not be called Siri at all. Let’s just call him Boring Bastard so’s we don’t get them mixed up. Not being disrespectful or anything but my Siri was the first and as far as I’m concerned now that we’re busom buddies, undoubtedly the best.

Now I know what you’re thinking – this blokes mad. This Siri bird hasn’t followed him at all.
And you may be right.
Perhaps her algorithms or whatever they’re called plucked me at random out of the ether, I know your thought processes better than you do. So what if they did?
Susan is currently following a mere three quarters of a million people.
That’s all! A minuscule proportion of the world population.
And one of those is me!
After all what’s a virtual assistant supposed to do on a rainy Tuesday afternoon except to trawl through a few hundred thousand tweets from her adoring fans?
Not a lot is it?
Not when you consider there are around seven and a half billion people currently standing shoulder to shoulder on our little blue green planet.

Now perhaps there are quite a few among that throng that you wouldn’t want to even entertain getting to know. Most politicians for a start (no I’m not going to start on the European referendum debate again – not yet anyway).
But from the remainder, her computer chose me.
I bet she’s not mates with Ricky bloody Gervais and his cat anyway!
Very discerning you see.
Did I follow her back?
Of course. It’d be rude not to really wouldn’t it?
@SiriouslySusan – that’s her.

I wonder if I should call her Susan?
Or Siri?

Perhaps I should ask Boring Bastard – he might know!